I didn't stay committed to being without him for long, less than a week actually. In a moment of weakness while I learned some frightening news about my daughter's health, I went back. She was away at college and had made the cheer team for her Ivy League school. During the intense physical all school athletes undergo; they discovered that the heart murmur we thought closed in childhood was still there and she was being referred on to cardiologists for further tests.
My daughter had just gotten off the phone with me after I had done my best to comfort and encourage her that whatever news we received, we would get through this together. She was away from home clear on the other side of the country, her first semester of college, just seventeen years old and doing her best not to think the worst. I already had a tripped planned for later in the week for Parents Weekend at UPenn and decided to try and fly in earlier...when I received an email from my ex, Ken. And just like that, I reached out to him with the news and he was back in my life offering his support.
Albeit from a distance. Over the last nine months he had been traveling from San Diego to Tucson about every other week. His father had dementia and his employees and youngest son had taken advantage of the situation and had swindled nearly 100,000 dollars from him over the last year. Ken was traveling back and forth taking over control of the family trust, assets and company. His dad in the last month was diagnosed with terminal cancer and Ken had put him in a care facility with round the clock Hospice. He was not able to rush to my side but sent flowers, helped arrange my trip, and schedule a message session at the hotel spa when I arrived in Philadelphia. He called and texted regularly and it was a relief to have someone emotionally there for me.
When I came home, with news it was not serious, that they would continue monitoring it and allow her to continue cheering, he met me in San Diego and we fell into each others' arms for a couple of days of bliss. It really felt like an addiction. Like I could not stay away from him. Even though there had been many red flags of possible cheating on his part or at the very least him still looking. Plus I could feel an emotional distance that he kept that I could not put my finger on though I knew I could not trust him fully with my heart.
I have always been a spiritual person, spending most of my life, removing the false beliefs and cultural programming that serves as a veil to my true self. I was committed on a path of Self Realization wherever that led me. I had shared all of my discoveries, insights, and epiphanies with him. He seemed in awe of me and complimented me often on my perspectives. My intuition was growing stronger along with other abilities and I was so excited to share this with him. Many times though when I would read to him a chapter or a passage from something I found deeply moving, his eyes would close and before long he would nod off to sleep. Or I would send a video link to him on something I found really profound and he would send back a general comment that I knew he hadn't looked at it at all. It was painful like I was walking this path alone and he was more interested in liberal and conservative political arguments, sports and having sex.
Two gorgeous boy creatures are the gifts from my second marriage, which ended less than a month before I had met Ken. They are five and three years old and their dad and I share joint custody. We each have them for one week. I had also noticed a pattern and it was one of the biggest reasons for me not going forward with signing a lease on a house with Ken; how he was only coming back to San Diego on the week that the boys were away with their dad. I knew I still had unanswered questions and some very serious doubts about the sustainability of our relationship...
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